New Bed, Different Life

I am off to purchase a bed for this little guy. I have been resisting it because it makes it all so permanent. But I don't believe missing mom is going to change anytime soon. As I sat there thinking about this this morning she is so much like her father. The difference this time around is I was smart enough to go get a guardianship order.
He was forever in and out of her life. Yesterday I met a friend of her former foster parents after the issues with her biological sister and her molester boyfriend. She was long time friends with them. She stayed with her foster parents for about 3 years. Missing mom's father did what the court instructed and when she was about 14 years old she went back to him. She stayed with him awhile. At this time I had moved out of state to try and get my graduate degree. We had come home at Christmas time and she was on the run from him. He told me he had left her again with friends and I convinced him to let her come with me out of state. That lasted for maybe six months, once I stared pressuring him for custody, he made me bring her back. Of course he did not keep her. She started living with this man and his children. She stayed there for about two years, never went to school, started drinking and doing whatever she wanted. This man felt he could not tell her anything. I moved back into the state, and she came to live with me again while I was attending graduate school. She was 17 by now, she never went to school, so she has maybe an 8th grade education. She started studying for her GED and got a job. She stayed until she and my other daughter decided to get drunk and fought. She never did admit her part in that tragedy, my other daughter went to treatment two days after this happened.
The she told me about 6 months later she was pregnant with grandson. She did not want to live with me anymore after what happened, and of course she was pregnant with Man's son's child. Grandson's dad never did claim him. The Man did, and even took care of him when he was just a month old, because missing mom was too busy drinking to take care of her baby boy.

Heart Break Saturday

This weekend was so sad for my grandson. On Friday he tried to call her "unci I want to talk to my mom", so we call, but its Friday night and of course she did not pick up. She recently got her car running, so of course she is on the run. Saturday comes around, he again asks to call her. But the machine picks up, only to say she is not picking up the phone. The first time he heard this he was freaked out. I had to explain that the machine was not to be afraid of. He talked about it for along time, going over and over about the machine. It was funny. What wasn't funny was that she did not answer.
She showed up in the afternoon, and he was a wreck! Crying, begging her to pick him up and there she stands texting away ignoring his pleas....... it was so heartbreaking. He was like that most of the day, nap time was a nightmare, I had to go in there and calm him down so he would sleep. He kept crying and crying for his mom.
After the nap, his sadness goes on, his crying goes on, his whining and begging her goes on. I tried to talk to him and calm him down. Finally I took him kicking and screaming into the room, and told him he could not come out until he stopped crying.
Guess what it worked! No more crying or whining for the rest of day.
That night the other baby's daddy brings joy in his arms, little sister has come to visit. Grandson had been asking about her and wanting to see her. There she was in all her glory... all 19 months and size 3 of her. Big Beautiful Girl. She remembered all of us, her mom had not seen her in a few months. No tears at the sight of her beautiful girl. I don't understand her at all!
Grandson had a good visit with her and so did I, we played with toys together, while missing mama sat there texting away.
But what really blew me way was when she mentioned that she had tickets to a local fight and did I know what time its starts. I looked at her and said "So what a choose.. huum your kids or a fight?" I was so blown over.
I believe she will never over come her selfishness her self absorbed behavior, and three babies are out there that will have to deal with it. Me too, my heart breaks : (

Another Weekend With Missing Mom

I had so much to do this weekend and I felt so sick since weds, so I called missing mom and told her that we were on our way to town. She said she would meet us, then I get a text that the car had overheated (in the middle of winter) and that she would call the next day. I knew, first of the month, she is hanging with the Family That Drinks, so it was not a stretch that she would rather drink then have her child. Sure enough, next day she calls she is right around the corner, with her baby's daddy's step mama, from the Family That Drinks, I know what she was doing. But poor baby had cried for her twice this week in his sleep, knew he needed to see his mama. Breaks my heart to hear that. When she was not around Friday night he was begging me to see her. What can I tell this poor little 3 year old? How can I tell him his mom would rather drink than to be there with him? I don't say a word, but maybe tomorrow and he say Unci please.... breaks my heart.
My own son called Friday and said "Guess what?" I did not want to guess with his past and present, but he dropped the bomb, he had gotten married!! To a girl I have never met, and she has 3 small children. I did not even know her last name!! My kids I don't know and right now don't want to know!

She What? Wants to take a vacation?

Missing Mama thinks she needs a vacation! How can that be? Vacation from sleeping in each day? or maybe she needs a break from living from one place to the next, not really knowing where she is going to lay her head each night. Its sure not a vacation from having 3 children she is not taking care of! I almost can't stand the sight of her, I almost can forget how much I do love her. She is slowing taking this all away from me, by allowing her 2 girls wallow in poverty when she has a perfectly nice apartment to take the too. But no that's just a little too much to ask for, because then she would be alone and lord knows she could not suffer a little discomfort for the sake of her children. I will never understand, nor do I have to. Little guy suffers, I see it in his face. Before the last visit he told me I don't want to see my mom, and then told his babysitter he wanted to beat his mother up! Three years on this earth and such pain no child deserves this! Me, I can handle it, but there are times when I think, I don't want to raise another child. I want some peace and quiet. I want to not have to worry about his mess, or keeping a schedule or finding someone to watch him when I need to work extra or travel for my job! I do it because I love him, and God has placed him in my hands for now and maybe for longer so I will love and nurture him the best that I know how, its all I can do.
I see no future for myself besides working, making money, so grateful for my job, and my family. Enjoying the peace of my other two children doing well for once. Thankful for my other close relatives and friend who lend me strength when I need it. Most of all God thank you for giving me my heart and my lovely grandchildren.